Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize