UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
