I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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