I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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