the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
