Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
