I just threw up on my dentist
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
