Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
