There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
