I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
