you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Your penis caused this!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
