LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
