Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Sponge bath it is.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
