Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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