It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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