She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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