i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
