I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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