at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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