I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
