Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
