the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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