It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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