fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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