I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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