I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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