He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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