will power is for people who don't want to get laid
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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