Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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