omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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