Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
