mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize