the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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