You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
