Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
