So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
