Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
