there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
