ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
