I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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