I'm jealous of your bromance
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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