they need to just BURY HIM!
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
