it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Everyone says I win the strip club
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
