are you so shy because you have an std?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
