I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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