Do you still have your period?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
