I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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