We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
