Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I stole a fireplace last night.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
