I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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