I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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