too bad you live with your parents still
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
He has the fingertips of a God
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
