I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
