And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
