so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
