for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I intend to get homeless drunk
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
