there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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