i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
