Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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