dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
