Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
