I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Randomize
