happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
im calling her cock vulture from now on
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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