Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
