His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
