Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
