I didn't shave. On purpose
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
