Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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