We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
