I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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