remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
