Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Randomize
