you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
