...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
