I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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