Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
