I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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