Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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