Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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