you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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