she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
