I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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