Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
There r osticjed everywhere
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
