Non-Jews are for practice
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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